Taji/Rain/no Blackhawks

Well here I am stuck on another little jump I made. This time I am
back in Taji, the place where I started this God Awful deployment. I
came down with the Commander, the FOO representative, which is a story
for another time, COL House, a psychiatrist from Denver and the
Sergeant Major. The flight down was good and we were easily able to
accomplish all we came down to do, which consisted of purchasing some
items for the clinic here as well as work on some personnel issues
that have come up. Not sure I'm liking this XO (Executive Officer)
stuff. Following the completion of our business, we toured around the
base here and we also went over to the Iraqi side, which was kind of
cool. The Iraqi soldiers over there all wanted their pictures taken
with us. So we pack up and drive down to the PAX terminal for our
Blackhawk ride back to Balad only to find out that we were on weather
hold due to the dust. We waited and waited and were being told that
the mission is going to launch and that we would be able to make it
back to Balad. Well, what they say and what actually happens is
usually two different things entirely. After seven full hours of
waiting we were finally informed that our mission was cancelled. We
wearily made it back to the Taji clinic where we crashed at around
0300 this morning. Today we woke up and attempted another escape from
Taji only to find out that rainy season was starting this very day.
It rained and rained until the gravel and dirt parking lots were
nothing but lakes and there was the typical Iraqi mud that lasts until
March and guess what, no Blackhawks tonight either. As of this
posting, I'm still on weather hold and suffering from a bad attitude.

Ramadi/TQ/Chrome 30

SSG Kolar myself and SPC Dougherty set out to meet with our Infantry
escort back from Ramadi to TQ on Friday. SSG Kolar and I had finished
our command visit and we were escorting SPC Dougherty as she was going
on her mid-tour leave. We got all our gear on and were walking the
mile or so to the 125 (one, two, Five) Infantry. As were were almost
to our destination, I turned my ankle and went down, IBA, Backpack,
M-16 and all. After a quick assessment I realized that nothing was
really hurt but my pride. After this, we met our convoy escort, were
briefed on the route we would be taking and then loaded up in the MRAP
and hit the road back to TQ. Once at TQ we tried to sign up for space
A flights back to Balad and we were told that one would be flying
there Friday night at about 2330. We sat around TQ all that day and
were waiting with all our gear at the airstrip at around mid-night.
Two Marine Osprey's came in shortly after midnight and they were
really cool to watch. Then came the Marine Chinooks that were
supposed to be our ride back to Balad but for some reason none of us
made the cut as they cancelled the Balad mission. We were told to
check back in at 0700 the next morning. After another night in TQ we
checked the Marine flight desk the next morning and were told that we
were confirmed on a C-130 flight that night at 2330. Finally at
around midnight on Sunday morning we boarded Chrome 30, our C-130
flight back to Balad. No sooner had we boarded the flight than the
load master asked for two volunteers to sit in the cockpit. No one
was jumping up very fast so I stepped up and volunteered and it was
quite possible the coolest experience in my military career. I was
seated directly behind the pilot and co-pilot and right next to the
navigator and was hooked in to the audio system. Listening to the
pilots talk to the other aircraft, each other, and the towers in the
combat zone was very cool. First we landed at another Marine base
called Al Asad and after almost being taken out by a couple of
Osprey's we took off for the 20 minute flight to Balad. As we swooped
in on our final approach, called a combat landing there were all these
alarms going off in the cock pit and the two pilots had a quick debate
over which runway we were to land on. As I was getting off the plan I
thanked the two pilots, who graciously said "no problem and be careful
down there sir." All in all it was a good trip, five hour convoy
through Fallujah and 50 hour wait in TQ included. We arrived home to
our little CHU at 0300 on Sunday Morning. After three hours of sleep
I was back to work on Sunday and then later that night I did my
overnight clinic coverage at the Patriot Mental Health Clinic.

I have a date (or at least a date range)

I heard from Rhett when he will be coming home on his 2 week leave. He will be here late November and I am so excited to see him. I am sure the next few weeks will be the longest weeks of his deployment. We will try to see everyone but I am just going to have him relax and spend time with us. Here are some pictures of the last time we were together. Jacob was so little and has changed so much. I can't wait to get new pics of Jacob and Daddy!!!!

Road to Fallujah

more from inside the MRAP

Convoy from Fallujah to Ramadi

me sitting in the MRAP

Ar Ramadi

Hello all, I am writing from Ar Ramadi where myself and SSG Kolar have
traveled to make a visit to one of our teams. As usual, the travel
here was no pick nick. We started in Balad by making a C-130 flight
to a Marine air base called TQ. The flight only took 20 minutes but
we didn't get off the plane until 0300 this morning. TQ is a very
rustic-looking (sand and dirt everywhere, shabby buildings, hesco
barriers for protection) base almost exclusively inhabited by the
Marines. Once there, SSG Kolar and I made an attempt to sleep in a
large open area of bunk beds that smelled badly probably due to five
years of sweaty guys sleeping on the same matresses. We actually
slept for about 2 hours and then got up and readied ourselves for what
we thought was going to be a quick convoy to Ramadi. We were to meet
up with 125 Infantry at 1000 and then role from there to Ramadi and we
were supposed to arrive around 1100. Once we met our friends from the
Infantry, we were informed that we were making a slightly longer trip
than we had expected. We were apparently going to Falujah to pick up
some extra people who needed to go to some little JSS (joint security
station) in Ramadi and then we would end up at Ar Ramadi about an hour
and a half later. The drive to Falujah was pretty cool, what with the
sights of a blown and shot up city attempting to rejoin civilization.
In addition, it was in the middle of the day so that means lots of
civilian traffic. I took lots of pictures and movies that I'll try to
upload for all to see but honestly, it will blow your mind. Once we
arrived in Falujah we noticed that our MRAP (the mine resistant,
ambush protected vehicles that we have to ride in thanks to Joe Biden
that really are very nice) had run over a .50 cal round and that the
round had exploded and flattened one of our 6 tires. Our delay at
Camp falujah happened to be right around lunch time so SSG Kolar and I
jokingly talked about going to Falujah for lunch. Lunch was good and
after changing two tires weighing over 400 pounds we were back on the
road to Ramad. The trip to Ramadi was uneventful but all in all the
convoy lasted over 5 hours and my tailbone really hurt. I plan to
stay a few days here and will then make the trip in reverse back to
Balad. I'm sure I'll have lots more to report.

30 year setback for PTSD in the military

Wow! One potential First Lady sets military mental health progress
back at least 30 years.
below is the web address and an excerpt from an interview between
Marie Claire magazine and Cindy McCain. When questioned about her
husband's potential PTSD symptoms, rather than take the opportunity to
educate an arguably apathetic populace, Mrs McCain responds with:

http://www.marieclaire.com/world/news/cindy-mccain-interview-election?click=main_sr
MC: But no cold sweats in the middle of the night?
CM: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. My husband, he'd be the first one to tell
you that he was trained to do what he was doing. The guys who had the
trouble were the 18-year-olds who were drafted. He was trained, he
went to the Naval Academy, he was a trained United States naval
officer, and so he knew what he was doing.

So, I guess that PTSD only affects those who are 18 and drafted into
military service or at least not graduates of the U.S. Naval Academy
at Annapolis. Gee I'm no expert but...well I have done two tours in
Iraq as a mental health provider credentialed by the army...maybe I am
an expert...her comments certainly don't match what I have
experienced. Anyone looking for more than just cute pictures of Jacob
could visit the following non partisan websites for information on
issued that affect us combat veterans:

http://www.iava.org/
http://www.votevets.org/

Happy Halloween

Want to share some of the cutest pictures of Jacob. Last weekend we went to Portrait Innovations for his 9 month old pictures and his halloween pics. They do a fantastic job, are affordable, and work to get him to smile. Its so hard to narrow it down from 70+. Jacob has begun furniture surfing and I have removed all tables, house decor, and anything else he might be able to reach. How is it that at 27in boy can reach so much???

latest

Thank you to all for the birthday wishes and packages. I think I
actually heard from nearly everyone. I was taking the day off on my
birthday but went in around mail call time to find that three packages
had arrived for me actually on my birthday. Funny thing was that
everyone must have thought they were going to be late as all the cards
said things like "sorry this is late." Special thanks goes to Liz and
Jacob for the great package and wonderful cards. It's really touching
to see a card from Jacob addressed to: Daddy even though it is in
Liz's handwriting. Also, my mom sent me a great box full of treats
and other things. Kevin and Anna Olsen and boys sent me a box that
was much appreciated. In addition, Sandi sent me a box that had an
audio book just in time for me as I had just finished the one I was
listening to. Eric, Kim and Alix sent a box too...not sure what I'll
do with all this stuff but I can't thank you all enough. In addition
to the boxes, I received email from Elder Larsen, Carrie Cox, Sandi,
my mom, Liz, Liz's friend Molly, the Patty's, Mindy, and Shayla from
work. As if all this wasn't enough, I keep getting post cards from
Frank, which I appreciate. My birthday was going good until I
received word that as the interim commander of the 1835th I was being
summoned to brief the Battalion Commander that afternoon regarding my
plans for the embed event with the New York Times. The briefing went
well.

Happy Birthday

Just want to wish Rhett a Happy Birthday. I know with the 9 hour time change his birthday is almost over but its just starting for us. Rhett received 3 birthday packages today one from me, his mom and Anna and Kevin. Thank you for remembering him today. I just want to share my favorite 10 things about him:

10. he will take me out for mexican food anytime I am having a craving (which is a lot so it is a sacrifice to eat so much mexican food)
9. he is so dang smart (summa cum laude and 3.9 gpa in grad school)
8. he is one of the most honest and honorable men I know
7. he is a hard worker. Rhett works full time and helps around the house
6. he is an awesome cook. Whoever gets home first starts dinner. hmmm why am i always late?
5. he loves his family and honors the traditions of his heritage
4. he listens to my venting and irrational thoughts with a calm manner like any good therapist does and helps me see both sides of an issue
3. he supports and encourages me in my pursuits as a career woman, wife and mom
2. he is an awesome dad to Jacob
1. he loves me and together we can survive anything!!



Happy Birthday Honey!!!!!

today

Things have been pretty boring around here since I last posted. We
did have some explosions today that seemed fairly close and thankfully
we're all alright. I'm somewhat busy with command issues with our
commander gone and can't wait till I can just be in charge of our
prevention services again. Saturday I apparently get to spend the day
with an embedded reporter from the New York Times. Lucky me.
Actually, I like the New York Times so I'm happy to do it. I guess
mental health services for soldiers is a popular issue again what with
the suicide rate for deployed soldiers being the highest (19 per
100,000) since the Army began measuring it back in 1981. I am
planning some trips to the other locations shortly after the commander
gets back on leave. First, SSG Kolar and I are going to visit Ramadi,
which is no pick nick to get to. We have to fly to a place called TQ,
which is by Falujah and then take a convoy from there into Ar Ramadi.
Once there, we will spend about a day and a half and then do the exact
opposite travel back here. I'm guessing I'll be gone for about 5 days
if all goes smoothly, which almost never happens.

CH-47 Flying at night

"Red River 44"

The Red River forms the border between Texas and Oklahoma and
apparently gets its name from its color probably due to the sediment
in it. During the summer of 1874, the U. S. Army launched a campaign
to remove the Comanche, Kiowa, Southern Cheyenne, and Arapaho Indian
tribes from the Southern Plains and enforce their relocation to
reservations in Indian Territory. The actions of 1874 were unlike any
prior attempts by the Army to pacify this area of the western
frontier. The Red River War led to the end of an entire way of life
for the Southern Plains tribes and brought about a new chapter in
Texas history. During the Red River War of 1874, as many as 20
engagements between the U.S. Army and the Southern Plains Indians may
have taken place across the Texas Panhandle region. The well-equipped
Army kept the Indians on the run until eventually they could not run
or fight any longer. The Red River War officially ended in June 1875
when Quanah Parker and his band of Quahadi Comanche entered Fort Sill
and surrendered. The Indians were defeated and would never again
freely roam the buffalo plains.
Given that Task Force 34 is made up of aviation National Guard units
from Texas and Oklahoma and that all US Army helicopters are named
after Indian names, it was only fitting that one of the Chinooks
making the flight into Iraq from Kuwait that night be given the call
sign "Red River 44".

I am writing this on Tuesday morning after a long three days of
working with these aviation soldiers to try to help them through their
tremendous loss as well as the traumatic experience that some of them
went through. Two days ago I conducted a critical event debriefing
with the 25 soldiers who were flying with Red River 44 in the three
other helicopters and as usual, this was a difficult experience. Over
the course of two tours in Iraq, I have had the unfortunate
opportunity to be the responding mental health professional to many
traumatic events and all these experiences as well as my mental health
training have led to my style in conducting these debriefings. I
usually start off by introducing myself and talking for a moment about
the debriefing process and what the participants can expect. Next, I
ask about the facts of the event and during this part, I usually hear
from almost everyone involved. This is the part where I heard the
story of the four Chinooks flying low and fast through the desert
night and the things they saw, heard, smelled, and experienced when
they watched one of these 98 foot long helicopters weighing as much as
50,000 pounds fully loaded with over 1000 gallons of fuel crash into
the ground at over 100 miles per hour. I heard "I watched it play out
like it was a movie with no sound" and "every light is intensified in
your night vision goggles so when we saw the flares go off and then
the fire ball of the helicopter crashing it almost blinded me." I
also heard from the Chinook crew that landed and walked through the
wreckage and heard all about the smells and other stimuli present.
Soon after the crash, a British fighter jet was on scene as well as a
British convoy was being diverted to the area and the remaining
helicopters were instructed to fly to Talil, their previously
scheduled fuel stop. Many other comments were made regarding the
crash details and the events leading up to it but these comments were
made under the assumption of confidentiality with a mental health
provider and I would never disclose any of that information. Suffice
it to say, the newspapers may have got it wrong but no surprise there.
Following about 90 minutes in a very hot little room with these 25
soldiers, we wrapped things up and went back to our CSC area. The
next day, yesterday, the flight surgeon called and asked me to come
back and do something with the remaining 40 or so soldiers from the
unit that were not directly involved in the crash. This was more or
less a grief group with some education thrown in about stress,
avoidance of things, and PTSD. Following this group, we went to the
memorial service for the 7 fallen soldiers. These are always hard and
this one was no exception. The traditional Army memorial of the
upside down M-4 rifle with the soldier's helmet, on the butt of the
rifle and the boots at the base with the soldier's dog tags hanging
from the M-4 was altered a bit to include their flight helmets
complete with their night vision goggles attached. All seven of these
were placed on the stage of a theatre here in Balad where the service
was to take place. The lights reflected eerily from the seven pairs
of night vision goggles giving the impression of green eyes staring
into the crowd. After each of the commanders gave their tribute, the
last roll call was preformed (where the name of the fallen soldier is
called out with no answer) and then the rifle shots are fired followed
by taps. The whole thing lasted about an hour and I returned home
very drained and feeling a little guilty that I was glad that it was
finally over. I know that there will be plenty more to do with the
aviators of Task Force 34 but it was a good to get some closure for
Red River 44. The memory of these heroes will not be forgotten.

CSC

So we get word that the 25 soldiers that were flying with the Chinook
that went down a couple of days ago are flying in tonight at around
2330 and that the unit chaplain would like to speak with us and then
have us present when the helicopters land. I found SPC Antonich, my
teammate and we readied ourselves for the long night ahead. Come to
find out, there were 4 CH-47s flying from Kuwait to Balad when one
crashed near Basra and the other three were diverted to Talil. The 25
soldiers had been stuck in Talil since the crash and were now arriving
in Balad, their original destination and the place where the remainder
of their unit is. We drove over to the airstrip and met with the
chaplain at around 2300 and at that point we were informed that the
helicopters were not due to land until 0050 or almost 1:00AM in
civilian time. The chaplain was a nice man from Texas who is on his
first deployment as are most of the task force. The unit is an
aviation taskforce made up from National Guard units from Texas and
Oklahoma and are just arriving in country to take over here for the
12th CAB (Combat Aviation Brigade). While here they will be flying
the medivac missions as well as the regular transport flights in and
around this AO. In addition to speaking with the chaplain, I also
spoke with the Battalion XO and their flight surgeon and I was able to
recommend that we only introduce ourselves tonight and that we
schedule a critical event debriefing for tomorrow. The time finally
came and we were to be taken directly onto the airstrip where we would
meet with the aviation soldiers immediately on their arrival. Once
out on the concrete we could hear the loud thumps of the rotors on the
4 incoming CH-47's and then almost out of nowhere they appeared in the
night sky right over our heads. Once landed, the rear doors opened
and the soldiers began getting out. As the understandably shocked
soldiers began meeting up with the other of their unit members there
were a lot of hugs and handshakes. I couldn't help but think that
there were 7 people from this very group that had left Kuwait together
but would not by coming out of any of the aircraft. It was a sad
reunion to be sure but for the most part, they looked like they were
holding up as best as can be expected. I spoke with the Battalion
Commander as well as some of the soldiers and I introduced my self and
my team and told them that I would see them all the later that day
once they got some sleep. By the time SPC Antonich and I arrived back
at our little CHU's it was 0330 and we were anticipating an
emotionally draining day ahead of us.

sand storm

wow, it looks like Mars outside at around 1600 in the afternoon. The
helicopters in the background are CH-47's the same that crashed
killing 7 earlier this week.

long days

Yesterday started out like a normal Saturday but soon turned into more
that I expected. First, I found out that one of my prevention SGT's
took a convoy from a place called TQ to Ramadi without the proper
approval and now I have to deal with the problem. The commander left
for her leave today, which leaves me in charge and now I'm the one
that has to give him an Article 15 (non-judicial punishment) and
replace him in his position of NCOIC. This really is a big deal due
to the fact that it is Ramadan out here and Anbar Province is still
pretty dangerous in spite of what you might hear on the news. In
addition, the SGT took one of our other soldiers with him endangering
her life as well. On the other side of things, the SGT was only
trying to do his job by getting he and the soldier he supervises back
to their AO as fast as possible. I guess following orders is an
important part of being a soldier and teaching this young Sergeant a
lesson might very well save his life and or someone else's. Just
after we finish dealing with this, I get word that the CH-47s are
coming in tonight with the 25 or so people directly involved in the
helicopter crash that recently that claimed the lives of 7 of their
own soldiers. More to come

Reason to smile

today

Well another day another dollar is the phrase that comes to mind.  The weather has changed somewhat since I posted last and we have even seen a few raindrops.  Yesterday and today were windy and cool.  By cool I mean low 100's…I think we were 107 degrees today, which is basically a cold front when you have been having 120+ days since May.  Our team out in Ramadi was hit by a mortar but fortunately for all of us it did not explode so no one was hurt.  SGT DeLuna who is out there filing in for people told me that they heard a loud noise and went outside to find an un-exploded mortar.   I guess Al Anbar province isn't all the cupcakes and flowers that Fox News would have you believe.  We had another suicide here in Balad today this time it was one of our patients.  I'm not going to report much other than to say that it was a senior NCO from an MP unit that is scheduled to go home shortly.  These kinds of events are very hard for us mental health professionals to deal with especially since this one came right in the middle of the Army's suicide prevention week.  Oh well, I guess we can't save everyone even though we would love to.  My old friend MAJ Shea, the psychologist from New York is finally going home.  After involving his congressman and making multiple attempts through the appropriate channels his application for resignation of his commission was finally accepted and he gets to go home very soon.  He's been hanging out with us up here in Balad checking his final boxes so to speak before leaving.  He and I and LTC Banuelos are going out to dinner tonight, not that we have much choice or many options.   Liz sent me a DVD of Jacob, which she recorded during August and it was very cool to see.  I can't believe that he can crawl and sit up by himself since the last time I held him was a cold morning back in Washington in April when he could not even hold up his head.  I have no idea what it is like to live with my own son who will soon be 9 months old.  What's worse, I was just looking at my resume to update it and I had to figure out a word for "two- time Iraq veteran."  It really sucks to have lived two years in this god-forsaken place so far from home and the ones I love.  Yesterday SPC Antonich and I did a briefing for some medical logistics soldiers here on the base.  Our topic was stress management and sleep hygiene and following our discussion, a sergeant stopped me to ask me some questions.  Ignoring the normal uneasiness of soldiers when talking to a mental health provider, I could tell that this guy was suffering from some serious anxiety.  Complete with facial tics and a quiver in his voice he proceeded to tell me that he is only able to sleep 45 minutes at a time.  He tells me that he has been given klonopin and ambient and that without them he cannot sleep.  Can you believe that we are giving soldiers Klonopin in the combat zone?  This guy proceeds to tell me that he is on his fourth tour over here and that he has a 9-year-old at home that he has not seen for half of this child's life.  Anyway, I had no easy answers for this sergeant and I hate that.  In my opinion, this is a normal guy who has been put through an extremely abnormal event or series of event s for the past four years.  How can we ask people to do that???         

Soldier suicide rate may set record again

I found this article on MSNBC and thought it I would share. This is what Rhett is trying to prevent. Makes me so proud of what he is doing.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26548448/

travels

Good thing I can't get on my own blog because then I would know how long it's been since I last posted.  Sorry to all who read this.  I am in the worst part of the deployment and it's sometimes hard to even get through the day let alone think up something to write.  We were supposed to have internet available in our living areas as of August 15^th.  Well, here it is September 4^th, and no sign of it yet. I was hoping that should we actually get the internet in our living area then I may be able to access the blog.  Oh well, I guess I'll just keep sending email to it and at least everyone else can see it.  Life here is very similar one day to the next.  I appreciate all the packages from Liz, Mom, and Sandi, they are great and make life easier for me.  Last weekend I traveled to Baghdad for a commander's conference and it was quite a trip.  The medical people here were actually holding a behavioral health conference in Baghdad and the commander's portion was just before it but in conjunction.  The conference was not unlike those we get CEUs for back home with the exception of everyone wearing the same clothes and looking much more fit.  I traveled to Baghdad by Blackhawk on Friday morning and arrived at approximately 0900.  Since my meeting was at 1700, I had a lot of extra time on my hands.  They stuck us in tents, which sucked and I was glad that I wasn't staying through the weekend.  One problem I had is that I had all my body armor, helmet, and ammo that I couldn't just leave lying around.  The stuff is so heavy that I didn't want to carry it around either so didn't end up exploring the base much.  I did see General Patreas' house though and boy is it nice.  I guess 4 star Generals live a little better than Captains.  I attended my meeting, which was nothing more than a video teleconference with key people at Ft Sam Huston in Texas, where the Army has all their medical training.  We talked about some of the issues and trends but since the connection was not secure, we were very limited on what we were allowed to say.   There were about 8 of us in attendance representing all four CSC detachments covering the entire theatre.  Following the dog and pony show, I wanted out of Baghdad so I put on all my gear and found the bus that went to the helicopter pad and signed up for standby flight to Balad.  They told me that it may not happen but in my experience, it's best to just wait there and see what happens.  The helicopter terminal at the Victory/Liberty base sucked.  It was nothing more than a structure that was air conditioned and had some warm water to drink.  The little benches there for us to sit on were very uncomfortable and my tailbone was bothering me quite a bit (left over from my bike accident).  After waiting for over 5 hours, I ended up getting manifested on a flight leaving Baghdad at 0030.  I finally got on the Blackhawk around 0100 (1:00 AM) and after a two hour tour of Iraq, landed in Balad sometime after 0300.  I was glad to be home, if that's what you can call this place.